My ex and I have practiced all forms of ethical nonmonogamy (ENM) since 1992. At the time, I didn't know there was a term for this relationship style. A close friend introduced us to the idea after witnessing how much we wanted to see other people without compromising our own relationship. As my ex and I discussed and navigated how we would make it happen for us, mono-normative thoughts and behavior haunted us, especially around thoughts about cheating. Over time, we let go of what ENM meant to us. After years of hits and misses, along with the realization that my values within an ENM dynamic didn't align with my ex's, I've learned a lot about finding and maintaining what's right for me, and having partners and friends who are respectful of it, as I am respectful of them and how they practice.