When I moved from India to Vancouver, BC, there were moments when the quiet felt too loud—when the absence of familiar faces, languages, and places settled into my bones. I missed home in ways I couldn’t explain. Even surrounded by people, I felt alone. The smell of food, the sound of a song, or a festival passing by without loved ones would trigger waves of homesickness. I realized I wasn’t just missing a place—I was missing connection, belonging, and pieces of myself. Slowly, I began finding new ways to anchor—rituals that reminded me of home, small routines that made the unfamiliar feel safe. You don’t have to silence your longing to move forward. There’s space for both healing and holding on.

In 1991, I moved to the United States at age five from Russia as a Jewish refugee. I was part of a large wave of Russian Jewish refugees from the Soviet Union, and was one of the only Russians in my class at first. The area, which was predominantly Italian American, suddenly had a Soviet contingent, and some of the locals didn't like it. I was bullied for being Russian. Later in life, I joined the Peace Corps, and they decided to send me to Ukraine. Being a Russian Jew in Ukraine brought its own challenges, and in 2022, when the war with Russia started, I felt a strong need to go and volunteer. But being Russian in Ukraine was even more uncomfortable, and I had to explain myself constantly. I was also questioned by the authorities and even detained. I've been called a Russian spy my entire life. There were times when I wished I had been just born American, and at times I lied about my heritage, but I have since learned that having an outsider's perspective can be powerful.

Over a span of 30 years, I encountered cultural differences with 3 different partners. Each partnership faced both internal and external cultural bias, stigmas, and discrimination based on societal stereotypes. I went through cognitive therapy with my husband to learn how to communicate effectively with someone who not only learned English as a second language, but who was holding long-engrained beliefs about our respective countries and societies. We also worked on how to present a united front to outside disruptors, often family and friends bringing in their own bias that stirred the pot of misunderstandings and underlying the need to learn straight-forward communication. Even if your partner is unsure how to, or unwilling to, communicate their own feelings, you can still enhance your own communication style in an open, compassionate manner that exudes respect and honesty to yourself and to them.