I see or hear something that displeases me; there’s an immediate surge of energy in my gut. I feel like cursing or striking out. Or I feel like crying and hiding as when I was a child and anger wasn't allowed. Sometimes anger simmers unconsciously below the surface, waiting for a moment to erupt, most often at an inappropriate time bringing guilt or shame. It might translate into passive aggression, a biting comment or icy silence. Sometimes it morphs into something entirely different – anxiety or sadness or fear. Without psychoanalyzing, developing awareness of unrecognized anger can put us in control of it. Anger manifests in many ways. It often masquerades as insomnia and food disorders. Understanding how it manifests, acknowledging its presence, exploring it's origins and recognizing this consciously helps us better navigate it's various forms and respond in ways that are constructive rather than destructive. Giving help with such exploration is the work of a Warmer Expert.

I cared for Dad for 7 years, first in my home, then in his, each posing unique challenges. He was deferential in mine, but very controlling in his. I was building a professional practice, he was dealing with consequences of bladder cancer surgery. We had complicated feelings about each other: he praised my dedication to him, and feared I'd harm him with his medications; I resented leaving my home, being the caregiving sibling. I acted horribly at times (I locked him out of my RV which he dearly wanted to work on) and he reciprocated (making my friends feel unwelcome in his home). He'd call me by my mother's name. (Parental conflict was the norm growing up.) I came to have great compassion for her. We had moments of great generosity and we even had fun together, too. It brought out the worst and the best in us. But it never occurred to us to seek help, a trusted outsider to help provide perspective and verbalize frustrations. If this sounds familiar, let's work on it together.

I didn’t really realize that I had anger issues until I got married and had kids. Then I discovered that when my husband and I had arguments, I couldn’t let things go and would feel so wounded by him wanting to retreat from an argument that I would explode. This looked like being verbally abusive, and even throwing things or hitting him. I would feel so ashamed afterwards and apologize profusely. I desperately wanted to change. I eventually went to see a counselor and talked through different ways to communicate with my husband, and because I valued the relationship so deeply I managed to stop exploding with him. Unfortunately, this meant that a lot of anger was then directed at my kids. After years of struggling to manage my anger, I finally realized the need for a deep healing journey, to uncover the unconscious roots that were underneath the explosive rage. In the process I became very good at identifying my feelings underneath the anger, since anger is a secondary emotion. Knowing what those underlying feelings are has been very helpful for me, along with what my triggers are. I have also discovered some healthy ways to vent anger that don’t hurt other people that I could share with you. Today I still experience anger sometimes, everyone does, but it no longer controls my life and I don’t see it as an awful thing that I have to avoid or hold in until I just can’t anymore. Instead, it can be an indication of where I still need some healing, or a healthy emotion that I feel when someone hurts me that I can release or confidently express without doing damage.

I've dated while still figuring myself out, created queer relationships, explored my gender identity, and dealt with issues like anger management and gambling habits. I provide a space where you can share your story without fear of criticism because I have experienced similar things myself. Whether you're working on relationships, quitting a habit, discovering healthy ways to handle conflict, or simply exploring who you are, I'm here to listen and offer support and help.

For years, I worked in the corporate world and held a variety of other positions within my community as well. Over time, I was able to learn how to deal with a multitude of personality types, and can help you navigate complicated situations and varying communication skills.

My bad relationship journeys began in high school with the mistaken belief that I needed someone else to complete me, which led to poor relationship choices. After becoming disabled and losing my self-worth, I sought validation from older men, mistaking their attention for proof of my maturity. Sadly, they aimed to control me, leading to abuse and eventually spousal rape. At 36, as a mother, I hit a breaking point. After a year of expensive, intensive trauma therapy and EMDR, I entered my first healthy relationship. Many sessions were just me needing someone to just listen and understand. I could have saved a lot of money with a company like Warmer honestly! The point is, there is hope, but it starts with letting go of past beliefs and finding completeness within yourself. To be at peace with the silence of just yourself.